Gettysburg Weekend

Parent's weekend in Gettysburg with my son and daughter --  we fit in quite a bit on Saturday.  Went to New Oxford antiquing and stopped in at three enchanting shops (The Christmas Haus) that had wonderful ornaments, pyramids, et al from Germany.  My daughter was so intrigued by the Pyramids, I bought her a sweet nativity pyramid.  They are a bit pricey, but well-crafted.  After that we headed to the battlefields, finally walking Little Round Top.  We walked a few trails as well. It is quite awe-inspiring and a bit overwhelming.  My husband took pictures so I will share when they are downloaded.  Of course, we needed to fit in the outlets, and without fail crossed into Maryland. lol  So close to the Maryland border.  I miss my boy, but he will be home for Thanksgiving.

Mark this day for it is glorious

 

On this October morning

The amazing birdsong this moment and the slight chill wind surrounds me. I am present.  A blue jay on the roof with such authority searches the gunmetal gutters, its talons, click, click on the tinny surface and then gone.  Too meager a fare, I am certain for such a lively sort.  

My son returned to school this past Tuesday and I miss him sorely.  I am not sure why it is harder this year as the time prior.  He is no longer mine, in a sense, becoming the man he envisioned in little boy dreams.  Either the world oceans or the universe, biologist or physicist -- choosing the latter.  His mind is amazing, brilliant, and I am in awe most times we speak.  But I have taught him kindness and genorosity and nurtured within a giving heart, as well as, tolerance for the haughty and the lesser among us.  

I once was told my son walked humbly.  No greater compliment bestowed.   

I think of my son this October morn and I am pleased with life even though ofttimes bittersweet.

Dining Room Makeover

yellow wall paint to left, new color to right.  orignal plaster walls - 1916/1917

The shadow box wall was built by my dad. Thinking about opening it up, reverting to original 1917 concept

                                                         Original plaster wall



I love bold colors, but it seems I am going in a more subtle direction in my color choices.  I was leaning toward Gettysburg Gray for the living room.  I recently bought drapery from Lucketts; I could not keep myself from purchasing the curtains.  I had to have them, but now I have to revamp the entire living room because I just had to have them.  I wanted to change things up anyway, but I'm feeling a bit uncertain at this moment.  It will pass.  I get like that in the midst of upheaval.  I really did love my yellow (Ralph Lauren color or Laura Ashley -- I forget) dining room, (the color choice now is a concotion of sorts, not liking the first color picked added different tints to it -- it's a color with no name). But it needed to be done correctly, painting over wallpaper felt so wrong to me.  I need to do some shopping for accessories, lamp shades, et al, which isn't really a bad deal at all. 

xo  Kimberly

Goodbye

window shutter

foggy view

lightness

my mother's mary

Choice
regretful
in anger
years go
always
overlooking
stepping lightly
moment by moment
(repulsed)
no laughter
no joy
only familiarity
too many years
being
nothing
with you

Kimberly Baker Jacovich   10.3.12

Out of Africa ...

One of my all time favorite movies is Out of Africa.  I was sobbing before the credits rolled and all the way out of the movie theater.  I took comfort in the fact my friend was sobbing as well. We would gather ourselves a moment, laugh, and then start sobbing all over again.

When I was pregnant with my son, I would sit and quietly listen to the soundtrack as I imagined sharing the gift of music and books and art and a mother's love with him.  It was a time of anticipation and bliss.  The movie and its music will always have a special place in my heart. 



Also holding a special place in my heart are the movies:  Legends of the Fall and Cold Mountain.  Wonderful soundtracks and cinematography and, of course, the story. 

Unraveling

My mind is in chaos lately, maybe has always been, but was more accepting of it before now.  As I age, I expect more of myself.  I had been at peace with my life choices for so long, finding fulfillment in my family life.  But it has become their lives now, separate in many ways from mine, as it should be, as I had wanted it to be for them.  That said, we are still joined, not yet severing the tie, the thread, spooling out to them and back to me.  I am mother and they are child, forever in that order, the hierarchy of the family remains intact.  I have been told my worry is like a judgement on them and yes I see it and yes I must trust in them, in life, in God.  An issue at best for me, trust has always been difficult, revealing oneself, giving one's heart.  Too thin-skinned, overcome by a word, a glance or worse yet, silence.  Again my issue, not theirs, never theirs, and there, I must see a failing as mother in me.  I will begin to unravel the thread, but not completely.  I cannot live without heart or soul.  Do not ask me to do so. That will be one request I will not abide.