My true passion

I am in the process of writing a book.  It has been years of enthusiasm and excitement underscored with self-doubt and dread.  I've lost my way,  driving the characters rather than letting it be more organic.  The main protagonist remains pivotal to the story, but not in the way I had initially thought it would manifest.  The antagonist has now become an antihero as his character develops.  In essence, he has become more interesting, a far more layered character driven by past terrors.  He has become sympathetic, perhaps redemptive.  As I write this, I am feeling hopeful again.  I wrote some dialogue yesterday between two characters which has lit a spark.  I believe it is family as protagonist as each member has their story and role.  I am a linear writer, developing scenes in my head as I go along, making it as close to print ready as possible.  This is how I would write "fanfiction" -- a chapter a week.  The writing and plot wasn't perfect, but they were respectable for writing on the fly.  I loved by the seat-of-your-pants storytelling.  I need that drive again.

My plan of action is to rout out a space for myself to write. I need musical white noise, a good desk, comfortable seating, a good pen, notebook and a good computer/keyboard.  I learned how to type on a typewriter:  asdf (left) ;lkj (right). I can't do that on my ipad. It is all pointer finger action with the appearance of hunt and peck.  I loathe typing like this.

Although, I tried to trick myself into believing I could be one of those many women DIYers with ETSY shops and the like, I have once again circled back to what really drives me.  Writing--plain and  simple.  I wanted to be a writer similar to Lorrie Moore and I got lost on the way, delving in fanfiction and feedback.  Having an audience is a double-edged sword, but I digress.

I am on my way. . .